I’m making this in response to a tweet Adele quoted me:
“It’s the choice of a monk, not the choice of an asexual. If he was asexual, there would be no tension in that, no fun in that – it’s someone who abstains who’s interesting.
Now I’d just like to start saying, I do not like talking about my ‘sexuality’ despite it being something I do more frequently. I would just like to point out that whilst people have praised me for ‘embracing’ my sexuality that does not mean I accept it. If for a second I could wave a magic wand, if I could wish upon a star and click my heels three time to be anything but asexual I would. Now this does not mean I’m against asexuals, please don’t ever think I’d have problems with someones sexuality. I just hate what it does to me, how people view me and how society ignores me.
So Moffat coming out and telling me that my asexuality is ‘boring’ and makes for ‘boring TV” is like a kick in the fucking teeth. If you didn’t watch the last video I made about being ace and how I found solace in Sherlock one of the main driving points of it was this:
‘Asexuality needs to become more prominent in TV, films and the media in general to save people out there. To save the people who feel like they’re broken, who feel like they’re freaks because they don’t function like everyone else.’
Hell I even thanked Moffat, as if it had not been for him I’d probably be in that horribly confused place I was in 2010 when nothing made much sense to me and I feel like the sore thumb of the collective human race.
Well I take that right the fuck back.
Are you honestly trying to tell me that to be interesting a character must, at the very basic level, be driven by sexual urges and or abstinence from such urges? I’m sorry to say this but if that’s you’re opinion then you are a fucking weak writer. Sexuality and sex and relationships should not be the sole ‘interest’ or drive in programmes or the characters. Because I can tell you as a script writer myself, these are not the things I concentrate on. In any of my writing.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not doing this as some grand asexuality statement, far from it and I’m not saying sex and relationships can’t be subplots or driving forces. What I’m saying is that it is not the be all end all. I don’t find tales of abstinence interesting and I don’t find narratives strongly driven by sex and romance interesting. So pray tell why I would fucking write them?
I hate to flip this on it’s head but how unacceptable would this be if it had been pointed at homosexuality. If it had been stated that homosexual characters where uninteresting because they were only interested in same sex relationships. He would be called out as homophobic quicker than a fucking firework and bet your ass he’d be apologising. However this is perfectly acceptable, because as we all must remember, asexuality doesn’t exist!
I do apologise to my followers and anyone else reading this but I really cannot stress how offended and angry I feel right now. I’ve stated numerous times before that Sherlock (as a character) means a fucking lot to me and stopped me from making some very stupid mistakes and doing some very stupid things. Yet my faith and shall I say, belief in this character, is constantly called out and slandered as being wrong.
So yes, I’m angry more than I am upset, but I think what angers me more is that yet again a positive example of an asexual has been ‘corrected’. As heaven forbid there be people in this world who do not identify as ‘sexual’.
Reblogging because there’s some important stuff in here. Personally I don’t watch or really care about Sherlock, but I know a bunch of my followers do, and this is also important considering asexuality as well as how shows are written.
I may have been waiting for this question. Just maybe. I’m also going to interpret ‘said’ (and maybe once ‘[my]’) loosely, because I’ve been out for six years and wording is fuzzy/some of this I heard later/broad strokes hit targets, intended or not.
From the top yet in no particular order:
- My asexuality means I’m suicidal.
- Did porn scare me off sex? Because it’s not like that.
- I can’t be asexual, because babies masturbate in the womb.
- The hormone question.
- It’s just a phase.
- I’m a late bloomer.
- I’m in denial.
- Insert obligatory confusion regarding asexuality vs. celibacy here.
- Well have I tried it?
- I’ll change my mind.
- How do I know?
- I’ll meet the right person someday.
- This will pass. (Like a bowel movement?)
- They knew I’d meet the right person someday! (This is related to the awkward problem where people think I’m dating the roomie. And occasionally refuse to believe otherwise.)
- Do I masturbate? (x10)
- But why?
- It’s because of my anxiety problems. (Aka I’m afraid of sex.)
- Maybe this is just another symptom, like the chronic pain…
- I should give people a chance. (Like God, vegetarianism, or a new soup recipe?)
- No. Really? Really? I’m lying. I’m not ly- I’m lying. I’ve got to be lying. Oh my god, they can’t believe me.
- This is so typical Me.
- Ha ha asexual definitions joke ha ha ha.
- Serious objection to definition of asexual not taught in high school biology.
- Don’t I want to be happy?
- They bet me a candy bar I’ll be married and have four kids by our first class reunion. (They never did give me my goddamn candy bar. Guess I’ll try again in five years.)
- Oh. Okay.
- Oh, okay! …what’s that?
- Oh. Okay. Love, acceptance, and years of uncomfortable questions.
- Can they, uh, can they ask questions? Is that okay?
- Lots and lots of acceptance, support, and well-meaning questions. (x10)
I hasten to add that, in case one of the awkward ones stumbles across this someday, if I ever held affection for those persons, I still do. So much affection. And I’m almost over what the strangers have said too. Almost.
you know, that’s actually (sadly) extremely difficult to imagine, though I want to so terribly much.
I just want to know that feeling that everyone else experiences. To look at someone and find them sexually attractive. Like, “Look at that person! I’d have sex with them.” I find people attractive, but my definition of attractive is different from others. I like people for who they are. If I happen to fuck him or her, it’s random. I like sex, yes, but I can live without it. I’m an idiot when it comes to sex because… I don’t crave it. I don’t look for it. I don’t… Need it. I just like sex because of the closeness. You think after the six people I have fucked this would have changed by now. I just want to be like everyone else, dammit. This is too hard to explain.
godsdamnit get out of my head. T_T
“Hahaha, you’re so funny! You’re not asexual! There’s no such thing! Humans are MADE for sex! You just haven’t had GOOD sex yet! Someday you’ll meet the right guy and you’ll want to screw his brains out, and then you’ll remember how insane you were to ever say you’re asexual!”
—Said to me, a 27 year old asexual woman in a bar, June 2011 by my best friend. Right after she’d been complaining about needing to get laid and saying “You know how I feel?” I told her that I didn’t, that I was asexual and had never felt that way once in my life. She laughed in my face. Made me feel embarassed, misunderstood, belittled, and angry.
Sad day when your own best friend says something like that. I’m not asexual (though I admit to having asexual tendencies), but I would be seriously depressed if I said something like that and my best friend laughed in my face. If I can’t even be myself with my friends, then what the hell is the point, right?