Posts tagged "sexuality"

Modesty Codes in Pentecostalism and Mormonism (Feminism and Religion)


“You look like a lesbian.” “Why do you want to look like a man?” “Hey, boy head!” These were just some of the responses I got from friends and family when I decided to cut off my hair. The gendered connotations that come with how one decides to wear one’s hair are an overarching signifier of the dominant culture’s obsession with normative appearances. Many religious institutions and congregations uphold normative understandings of appearance and dress. Growing up in a conservative town in rural South Georgia and being raised within a Pentecostal tradition came with many challenges regarding gender, sexuality, and dress.

In an earlier post on FAR, I described my experiences with my church and my community regarding sexuality in “Sexual Ethics and Southern Belles.” In this post, I want to further explore those thoughts to discuss modesty codes within my own Pentecostal denomination, The Church of God, and within the LDS Church. Both Mormonism and The Church of God promote modesty codes that are ultimately harmful to girls and women.

Read more at Feminism and Religion

(via pagannews-deactivated20130221)

For asexuals, sex is like… a donut. When we see a donut, we do not have the urge to eat the donut. This does not necessarily mean we hate the donut, or think the donut is disgusting— many of us even like donuts. But we never have any yrge to walk over there and eat it. Demisexuals will have the urge to eat to donut only if it [is] their absolute favorite kind of donut in the whole world, and greysexuals sometimes have the urge to get the donut, and sometimes not. Celibates are on diets.
Haha, this is an amazing analogy. love it! Kudos :)


Asexuality and sex in a nutshell.

Not that I think the analogy is incorrect, but do we really always have to compare everything to food?

For asexuals, sex is like… a donut. When we see a donut, we do not have the urge to eat the donut. This does not necessarily mean we hate the donut, or think the donut is disgusting— many of us even like donuts. But we never have any yrge to walk over there and eat it. Demisexuals will have the urge to eat to donut only if it [is] their absolute favorite kind of donut in the whole world, and greysexuals sometimes have the urge to get the donut, and sometimes not. Celibates are on diets.


Haha, this is an amazing analogy. love it! Kudos :)


Asexuality and sex in a nutshell.

Not that I think the analogy is incorrect, but do we really always have to compare everything to food?

Moffat if you were in my vicinity right now I’d start running



I’m making this in response to a tweet Adele quoted me:

“It’s the choice of a monk, not the choice of an asexual. If he was asexual, there would be no tension in that, no fun in that – it’s someone who abstains who’s interesting.

Now I’d just like to start saying, I do not like talking about my ‘sexuality’ despite it being something I do more frequently. I would just like to point out that whilst people have praised me for ‘embracing’ my sexuality that does not mean I accept it. If for a second I could wave a magic wand, if I could wish upon a star and click my heels three time to be anything but asexual I would. Now this does not mean I’m against asexuals, please don’t ever think I’d have problems with someones sexuality. I just hate what it does to me, how people view me and how society ignores me.

So Moffat coming out and telling me that my asexuality is ‘boring’ and makes for ‘boring TV” is like a kick in the fucking teeth. If you didn’t watch the last video I made about being ace and how I found solace in Sherlock one of the main driving points of it was this:

‘Asexuality needs to become more prominent in TV, films and the media in general to save people out there. To save the people who feel like they’re broken, who feel like they’re freaks because they don’t function like everyone else.’

Hell I even thanked Moffat, as if it had not been for him I’d probably be in that horribly confused place I was in 2010 when nothing made much sense to me and I feel like the sore thumb of the collective human race.

Well I take that right the fuck back.

Are you honestly trying to tell me that to be interesting a character must, at the very basic level, be driven by sexual urges and or abstinence from such urges? I’m sorry to say this but if that’s you’re opinion then you are a fucking weak writer. Sexuality and sex and relationships should not be the sole ‘interest’ or drive in programmes or the characters. Because I can tell you as a script writer myself, these are not the things I concentrate on. In any of my writing.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not doing this as some grand asexuality statement, far from it and I’m not saying sex and relationships can’t be subplots or driving forces. What I’m saying is that it is not the be all end all. I don’t find tales of abstinence interesting and I don’t find narratives strongly driven by sex and romance interesting. So pray tell why I would fucking write them?

I hate to flip this on it’s head but how unacceptable would this be if it had been pointed at homosexuality. If it had been stated that homosexual characters where uninteresting because they were only interested in same sex relationships. He would be called out as homophobic quicker than a fucking firework and bet your ass he’d be apologising. However this is perfectly acceptable, because as we all must remember, asexuality doesn’t exist!

I do apologise to my followers and anyone else reading this but I really cannot stress how offended and angry I feel right now. I’ve stated numerous times before that Sherlock (as a character) means a fucking lot to me and stopped me from making some very stupid mistakes and doing some very stupid things. Yet my faith and shall I say, belief in this character, is constantly called out and slandered as being wrong. 

So yes, I’m angry more than I am upset, but I think what angers me more is that yet again a positive example of an asexual has been ‘corrected’. As heaven forbid there be people in this world who do not identify as ‘sexual’.

Reblogging because there’s some important stuff in here. Personally I don’t watch or really care about Sherlock, but I know a bunch of my followers do, and this is also important considering asexuality as well as how shows are written.


Fueled by this article, I just really feel I need to discuss Sherlock Holmes’ sexuality.

Read More

(via aceofholmes)


Attempted Danger: Let’s talk about Queerplatonic relationships…


“Queerplatonic is a word for describing relationships where an intense emotional connection transcending what people usually think of as ‘friendship’ is present, but the relationship is not romantic in nature; people in a queerplatonic relationship may think of themselves…

Reblobbin’ for anyone who’s still hazy on the concept of queerplatonicism. Though I’m not usually in favor of muddying the waters with yet more labels, this one is pretty fab. It gives credence to a type of relationship that’s often devalued and glossed over as “just friendship.” 



This is my sexuality in a nutshell. 


whaaaaaat. awesomest little… 5 year old? I’m terrible with ages… awesomest little person IN THE WORLD.

(via hippiequeerfromouterspace-deact)


“Hahaha, you’re so funny! You’re not asexual! There’s no such thing! Humans are MADE for sex! You just haven’t had GOOD sex yet! Someday you’ll meet the right guy and you’ll want to screw his brains out, and then you’ll remember how insane you were to ever say you’re asexual!”

—Said to me, a 27 year old asexual woman in a bar, June 2011 by my best friend. Right after she’d been complaining about needing to get laid and saying “You know how I feel?” I told her that I didn’t, that I was asexual and had never felt that way once in my life. She laughed in my face. Made me feel embarassed, misunderstood, belittled, and angry.

Sad day when your own best friend says something like that. I’m not asexual (though I admit to having asexual tendencies), but I would be seriously depressed if I said something like that and my best friend laughed in my face. If I can’t even be myself with my friends, then what the hell is the point, right?


People still express polite surprise after finding out that I’m still bisexual, even after college. It makes me feel like my sexuality is invalid to them.

yeah, I know. it’s not “just a phase”, y’know. -_-


“Japanese pornography is so dominant here [in China] and they really promote the image of young innocent submissive female, and they appear to be underage. I interviewed a lot of guys who say that, yes, this is my primary fantasy. I want to see this submissive girl. What does it mean? I think it means that it gives the guy the sense of empowerment. They can handle the submissive girl. So in this fantasy world, they can deal with this kind of girl, but it doesn’t mean that they have this girl in real life but the fact that they have to probably deal with the quite powerful women around them. In Japan there are studies explaining that this fantasy is a reversal, a sense of weakness and incompetence that Japanese male was like spoiled by mothers also. In China it’s a little bit similar. […] I found a lot of Chinese men and Chinese women have different aspirations…so does it have anything to do with the fact that they create the fantasy of easy submissive girl. Maybe it’s related. It’s a kind of reversal, that they can dream about submissive girl, but in reality, those Chinese men are rejected so badly by Chinese women, for instance on dating sites. The Chinese women are very demanding, and they publicize their requirements. And the Chinese men feel quite bad in a way. So I can see that Hong Kong and China is patriarchic. And I know that in reality, in the workplace, and at home, men have a lot of power. But that’s also just one way of investigating the reality. There’s also other realities where women have a lot of power as well.”

Dr. Katrien Jacobs, interviewed on China: Sex, Censorship and the Rise of ‘People’s Porn’ by Global Voices

(See also: Anti-censorship best practices for the sex-positive publisher.)


When I was over at my friend’s house, her mother called my friend out of the room for a chat. When my friend returned, she asked my girlfriend and I to not sit next to each other because it made her mother uncomfortable, and then returned to cuddling in her boyfriend’s lap

An entire room of people I considered close friends heard her say this and no one said a word. I made a half-hearted attempt to say, “but that’s ridiculous,” and still everyone stared silently at the floor.

It’s clear that everyone was uncomfortable with the situation (the people staring at the floor, I mean) but not uncomfortable enough to do anything about it and, indeed, the friend went back to cuddling in her boyfriend’s lap. Harsh. I would’ve been angry, I think, and I might’ve said something like, “Well, I’m going to take a walk, guys. Have a nice life” and just up and left. It wouldn’t have fixed the problem, though, which is the mother’s prejudice and the friends’ indifference and privilege.

This is what subtle sexual adultism looks like: Dear Everyone In Fandom Under The Age Of 18,


All right, I’m going to go out on a limb and stir the pot (not to mention mixing my metaphors), because it’s a very gross pot:



[Dear Everyone In Fandom Under The Age Of 18,]

It’s not that I don’t think you should participate in fandom. I myself started at 15. But FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, do not advertise your age anywhere if you are writing/commenting on/or doing art for a story with an adult rating (in other words, PORN). Because that gets REALLY TRICKY for those of us who are adults and have to think about child pornography laws (a blanket term that ALSO includes rules about PROVIDING people under 18 with porn). 

Thank you for your time,



No, fuck that shit.

If you’re under the age of 18 and you want to participate in discussions about real or imagined sex or sexuality of any kind, it’s true you’ve got to do it really carefully for everyone’s sake—yours and others’. On the other hand, that very fact shows just how ageist and puritanical our society is.

I am very glad to hear that people who are legally minors are making themselves and their interest in “adult” sexuality discussions known. I hope these discussions are self-affirming for all parties, and conducted in a way that respects everyone’s participation as well as their personal boundaries. But I am also glad that some of these conversations are clearly making the people with power—the adults—uncomfortable, because it forces them to acknowledge young people’s presence and, more importantly, the validity of their presence.

If you are an adult and you are bothered by having to think about child porn laws, then guess what, you are privileged. You are probably someone who should be on the front fucking lines of fighting against the incredibly harmful censorship and morality laws that are so commonly used to target you and young people under the disingenuous guise of being “for your own protection”!

Because, really, how dare any community encourage behaviors that make it necessary for an individual to lie to protect themselves? What right do you have to pressure someone into lying about their age anymore than you have to pressure them to lie about their sexual orientation or race or gender? And it’s not like this is news; women routinely use gender-neutral or even traditionally male-sounding names online because they are likely to be harassed otherwise. Since this is far less common in fandom, I’d like to think that fandom communities are filled with people who are damn well aware of the pain of feeling ostracized for something about yourself that you are powerless to change—like your gender or age.

Systemically silencing or discouraging youth from participating as empowered, fully self-actualized and self-expressed individuals in sexuality discussions is called sexual adultism and it’s a fucking detestably common behavior pattern I’d like to see ended.

So, wanna fix this problem faster? Stop telling young people to shut up or lie. Encourage them to speak truth to power, support them when they do, and then do your part, too.

Thank you for your time.

this times one million.


“Are you normal?”

—My father asked me this when he found out I was sharing an apartment with two girls and not dating them. I am a gay male. Made me feel: sad and afraid of how he would react if I were to come out to him; like I have to lie and hide who I am to gain his acceptance; angry that he would assume that I am sleeping with my friends of the opposite gender.

The answer is yes, you are “normal” or no, no one is “normal”.

basically I use this space to reblog awesome shit I find lying around the internet. often nsfw. I regret nothing. beware.

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